To be with you
by Lian Usui
Summary: Horo is deeply in love with Ren but can never tell him how he feels because he gave everything up to protect him from Hao. Now Horo is forced to be with Hao but the one he really wants to be with is Ren. HaoxHoro, HoroxRen


Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King or it's characters, it would have a lot of shounen-ai action in it if I did.

Summary: Horo is in love with Ren but can never tell him how he feels because he gave everything up to protect him from Hao. Now Horo has to visit Hao frequently and is used by him, Horo belongs to Hao and according to him that will never change...until now.

This is a one-sided haoxhoro, slight horoxren, yaoi fic. I'm planning to keep it as a one-shot but I may consider writing a sequel in the future.

**To be with you**

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_"Why did I have to fall in love with you, Ren?" _Those were the only thoughts in Horo's head right now, he had to put things right even if it meant losing everything.

Horo walked up to the door of the apartment, his clothes clung to his body and his hair was dripping wet from the rain. He stood outside hesitantly before pushing the door open by the handle. Horo would do this every week, he would go to see _him_, he had no choice in the matter but today way different...he would put an end to it. Having sex with Hao became a regular thing for the young Ainu. He remembered when it first started, when he first became Hao's little _whore_.

**- Flashback -**

"You've got no where to run to this time Horo, submit to me."

"No...please don't make me..." Horo whimpered, Hao had been following him even though he had only been out for a little while. He followed him until he had Horo trapped, the Ainu shaman had no idea what was happening. Hao was supposed to be dead. "What do you want from me Hao?" Hao had him cornered and pinned against the wall so he couldn't run, his _snow bunny_ wouldn't get away this time.

"Are you really _that_ naive HoroHoro? I want you." Horo froze, he didn't want Hao... he wanted Ren.

"No!" Horo practically screamed, struggling to get away but Hao was much stronger than he was. He learned that when Hao slammed him back against the wall, a small amount of blood spilled from his lips.

"If you refuse me..." Hao smirked "I'll go after Ren." He slid his hands down Horo's sides. Horo's eyes widened, for a moment he was unable to speak. Why did Hao want him so badly?

"Ren? Leave him out of this!" Horo shouted desperately, he didn't want anyone to touch Ren, he'd already been through enough pain. Hao forcefully pressed his body against Horo's to show his dominance, he would make Horo do what he wanted even if it was against his will.

_"I swore to myself that I'd protect Ren and keep him safe after what he had done for me back then, I can't let Hao do this"_

"You want to protect him? Then give in to me, or will you step aside and watch me harm the one who gave his life for you?" Horo growled in response, that bastard knew all of his weaknesses and knew how to make him do what he wanted. Hao released his hold on the other boy, he smiled cruelly as Horo sunk to his knees with his head lowered, not daring to look up at the other shaman. Hao was close now, he would take Horo and hurt him for his own amusement. "You know he can't defend himself against me, he's not as strong as you are. If you won't submit, I'll break him."

"Please...not him..." Horo whispered almost pathetically. Hao leaned down and lifted Horo's chin up so that he was facing him.

"I'll repeat myself one more time, submit to me." He smirked as Horo nodded his head in obedience to his request. Horo belonged to him now.

Hao grabbed Horo's shoulders pulling him back up against the wall, he crushed his lips against Horo's in a bruising kiss. Horo closed his eyes and reluctantly responded to the kiss, he was to scared for his own safety and Ren's safety to do anything that may anger Hao. He felts Hao's hands slide up his shirt trailing up his chest and over his nipples, using his finger tips to toy with them. He gave a slight pinch before moving his lips to Horo's neck, sucking and nipping the tender flesh. Hao moved his hips back and forth against Horo's causing him to moan against his will. Horo opened his eyes again slowly to find his shirt had been opened at the front revealing his chest, Hao was now working on removing Horo's pants and boxers which he soon did with ease.

"You make such a good uke Horokeu..." he whispered into Horo's ear.

"Shut-up Hao!" Within seconds Horo was thrown down against the cold floor.

"Don't you dare speak to me in that way ever again!" Hao had enough playing around, it was time to teach Horo a lesson. When he was through with him Horo would be nothing more than his toy. He roughly spread Horo's legs apart and held his arms down.

The only thing Horo felt after that was immense pain as Hao penetrated him, he stole his innocence and made him feel worthless. Every thrust was forcful earning painful and desperate cries from Horo. After Hao was done with him he forced Horo to look straight at him, the tears were clearly visible in Horo's eyes.

"Feeling humiliated yet?" He asked, smirking at the sight before him, he had succeeded in taking a boy who was innocent and carefree and made him into a lifeless tool.

"What makes you think that you're just going to get away with this? You know that Yoh would kill you if he knew what you did to me." Horo said, trying to turn away from him.

"Do you think I'm stupid Horo? I know that you already evny my brother because of his close friendship with Ren, I also know that you hate the fact that you lost to Yoh and hate him being stronger than you. I really doubt you'll go to him now, will you?" When Horo didn't reply he was shoved roughly against the floor, he soon felt his consciousness slip away.

**- End Flashback -**

Horo frowned upon the memory, that had been the first of the many encounters he had with Hao. Before then at least he could dream of having his love returned from Ren, but now he was to unclean to feel that way. He entered the apartment slowly, this was where he would meet Hao. No one knew that Hao came here or that Horo visited this place, it was only used for these little sessions that they had. If Horo refused to meet him then Hao would threaten to hurt Ren, it was a risk that Horo couldn't take. He would never want to be responsible hurting the person he cared for most. But even though Horo had given up everything to protect Ren, the chinese boy didn't know what Horo had done for him and he was never supposed to find out. Being with Ren now was a dream Horo could never accomplish.

He stopped walking as he approached the bedroom, Hao sat there on the bed as he always did whilst waiting for Horo's arrival. Horo stood there as the other male got up and stood in front of him, Hao reached his arm out to touch Horo's face only to miss as Horo moved away from him.

Hao was stunned, he couldn't believe that Horo had actually backed away from him. He growled in annoyance, he wasn't in the mood today.

"I'm not going to play games with you Horokeu, you should know by now that I have little patience and I'm not one you should try and mess with. Do you want me to punish you snow bunny?"

Horo hated it when Hao called him that, it was Ren's name for him and he only wanted Ren to call him that. He hated Hao, he hated what Hao had done to him but above all he hated himself for being to weak to stop him. The only way he could be free from Hao was to lose everything, he couldn't win this fight but he knew that from the start... this was for Ren.

"I... I'm not doing this anymore Hao! I'm not going to be your obedient little fuck toy anymore!" Hao was furious, no one could speak to him like that and get away with it. He raised his hand and hit Horo's face hard.

"Take your clothes off Horo, take them off and give yourself to me, now."

"No." Horo replied quietly but the determination was clear in his voice. "I'm leaving and I won't ever be coming back." Hao laughed at him in response

"If you leave I'll go after Ren, there won't be anyone to stop me."

"Yoh will stop you." He spoke emotionlessly.

"I thought I warned you about telling the others." He said grabbing hold of Horo's wrist.

"I don't care... you can tell them what I've done and what you've done to me. I won't be here by then anyway... but I won't allow my pride or issues with Yoh to get in the way of keeping Ren far away from a bastard like you!" Hao gripped the other boy wrist more tightly causing Horo's to wince slightly.

"Do you honestly think Ren will want you if he knows what you've been doing?" Hao laughed cruelly

"I'm not good enough for him now so I have nothing to lose, I know... I can't be with him." Although Horo hurt so much inside he remained calm, he couldn't allow Hao to take advantage of him anymore.

"What did you tell him? What did you say to Yoh!" He demanded, Hao didn't like the way Horo seemed to be in control of the situation.

"I told him to keep Ren safe for me." Horo smiled a little, it was probably the smartest decision he made. He yanked his arm free from Hao and moved towards the door. "You can't hurt me anymore because I have nothing left." He spoke with no doubt in his voice and closed the door shut behind him.

Once Horo reached Yoh's place again he grabbed his belongings which he had packed earlier and left without saying anything. No one was there at the moment and he already spoke to Yoh last night, it was the perfect time to leave.

He left the house and began his travel to the airport, fortunately it wasn't too far for him to walk there. He would miss his friends but it was the only way for them all to be safe. Horo's thoughts were soon interrupted, he was sure he heard someone call him.

"Horo!" Horo stopped walking, turning slowly to face the person calling him, Ren. The chinese boy stopped in his steps once he approached Horo.

"Ren, what's up?" He asked trying his best to smile, this was the last time he'd get to see Ren.

"What's going on Horo? Where are you going?"

"I've just... got a lot on my mind lately so I'm going away for a while," Ren looked saddened by this, he thought Horo had been acting different lately, Horo was no longer the cheerful and loving person he knew. Horo hardly ever smiled or laughed anymore but Ren wasn't expecting him to just leave.

"Yoh told me you were going, he said you wouldn't be coming back. I got mad when I heard and said that you just used us for the tournament and now you were leaving but then he... he said you were going for my sake, I don't understand." He paused hoping that Horo would give him an answer but he remained silent. "Horo is it because I insulted you? because I fight with you so much?"

"No..." Horo spoke quietly "It's nothing like that, you did a lot for me in the tournament Ren and I'll miss you and all the other guys."

"Then what is it? Why won't you tell me the reason you're leaving?" He asked softly, worried that he was about to lose his best friend forever.

"I-I don't have the strength to tell you, _he_ probably will though once I'm gone and then you'll hate me... you'll all hate me."

"Who are you talking about? Is it Yoh?" Horo shook his head, Ren realized that he wasn't going to get an answer from Horo so he would wait for someone else to tell him. "Whatever has happened or is going to happen I won't hate you, I promise."

"You can't say that! You don't even know what I've done Ren!"

"I don't have to, you're my friend and you can always come back to me." Ren gave him a warm smile, one that Horo had seen rarely. Even though Ren seemed to be trying to help it was too late, he couldn't turn back now.

"Thanks Ren... I'm sorry but I have to go or I'll miss my flight, I'm sorry we didn't get to hang out much."

"It's ok, just keep safe Horo, and I want you to take this." He placed a small box in Horo's hand and turned to head back to Yoh's.

"Ren, wait" He didn't know why but he just wanted to hold Ren, he slipped his arms around Ren's waist and pulled him close. At first he panicked a little, worried in case Ren would reject him but he relaxed soon enough when the other boy wrapped his arms around his neck. He closed his eyes, enjoying the moment that would stay with him forever, his last time with Ren.

"What is it you want Horo?" Ren whispered into Horo's ear.

_"I want... to be with you"_

"I... it's nothing, I don't want anything anymore" Horo said and finally pulled away from Ren. He lifted up the bags he previously carried and walked away. It was intentionally the last time the two would ever speak.

**- Owari -**

**-**

Well that's the end of this fic, I can't believe how mean I'm being to Horocookies TT I'll probably work on false love next, another mankin fic but this time it's fully HoroRen. When college is over for the easter holidays I might be able to write a sequel for this one. I've been working on a HoroRen MSN group lately called ElecticIce.So far there are pics, info and doujinshi scans related to the pairing,you can visit it through the link in my profile.

Anyway please review, comments are always appreciated


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